she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
