My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
