i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
