Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm having to shit out rocks
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