Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
