CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
