I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
