wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
