Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
