i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
