she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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