I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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