so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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