you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
