I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
