my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
