Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
