All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
