Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You have to summon your inner elephant
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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