those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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