hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
