I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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