cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
