how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
