Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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