We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
