Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Houston, we have a blender
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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