Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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