i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They took my balls.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
