I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize