I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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