never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
