I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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