The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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