I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
