You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
