alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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