I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
