id be glad to
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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