I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My underwear smells like fireworks.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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