At least make sure they are 18
Why
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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