Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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