I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
