So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
