I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
