The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
