Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
