I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
