saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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