he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
